May 13, 2003

why do i always feel like an escape a novelty or a fad. people always say they trust me or love me or whatever....but never give me themselves. i give everything i can...not to say i dont fuck up...believe me im human i fuck up. i feel like i did today. i dont want this to end up like it always does. i dont know what is going on...i just know that she is what i want, with her is where i wanna be and asking me to supress that is totally unfair. so i dont know what to do.

its looking as if this isn't gonna end up like it should....and that really makes me sick.

i think im done believeing in things untill i know for sure...cause really what the fuck is the point...ill just fuck it up anyways and piss someone special off....

im sorry casandra...i really do love you...

i just wish you could see that im everything i promise

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