Jun 2, 2003

why just when everything starts to make sense and i feel like its gonna work out, i read something that seems like ive been a fool for thinking that.

anyways, i have my damn appointment today. i think its gonna be my last one. im not open with her, she sits there and nods and regurgitates basically what i said. i know what my deal is, i dont need someone to tell me. i need to know how to deal, shes not helping me with that. so whats the point.

i sit there only telling half the story cause i cant open up cause i see the look in her eyes, a look of judgement.i dont need her to judge me, im judged enough by everyone else in my life. i dont need it from someone that looks at me as a "day, time and check".

i think about switching doctors, but i figure ive wasted enough of my time. im just not gonna make my next appointment and keep it open just incase.

besides my journal helps me feel better about everything, so ithink this is all i need....well besides casandra.

i hate to say this but i dont know what to believe, what she tells me or what the journal says, i dont understand cause she knows i read it.

i do believe what she says to me, it just kinda scares me that the journal reads a little different.

oh well.

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