Mar 8, 2007

So Ive been doing some thinking, I'm smothering myself. I realized this afternoon that my ability to really look at the store and see its possibilities has been stifled because of my inability to see what is going on....in other areas. I have not really gotten out of Bellevue in about 5 months. 5 MONTHS!!! what the fuck! Its scary, I am slowly becoming so trapped. I almost don't see any way out. I keep getting buried and knocked down....i cant see the "light" anymore...I cant see anything that my plans, dreams, hopes and ideas were made of. I need to get out...get around town atleast....

Everyday that passes I just get more and more exhausted from fighting with myself and fighting everything else. I get up...work the store...and after that...i just want to go home. I cant do that!!! I need to focus! I need inspiration! I need to take advantage of my time out of the store so i can get more done. And the biggest thing holding me up is my being so overwhelmed. Its really clouding my judgment, creativity and determination to accomplish things.

So it comes down to the whole idea that I MUST visit Pittsburgh a lot more and see what is going on around Pittsburgh. I have so many ideas and plans...i'm getting so scared that I am going to fail. That I am going to let alot of people down.

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