Aug 15, 2007

is it me?

So sometimes i sit back and realize how little i actually know about a lot of stuff. I mean I have done so many different things but I have always only let myself get to a certain knowledge level before moving on or shutting off my learning/thinking ability. Ive been reflecting the past few weeks and i've realized that either it because after a certain amount of time i get really lazy or my brain just shuts down. I don't know with is the "better of two evils". I try so hard to be amazing in what i do but when I really think about it, I'm pretty par for the course. thats pretty devastating to me. I realize that i've never really gave anything my all and that really makes me sad at times.
At times I realize how replaceable i actualy am even in places where It seemed like i could never be replaced.

So i guess what i need to learn from this is, stop whining about it and do something about it. I have a great opportunity right now to just start fresh. I need to take advantage of that. I need to really get myself together and change this really bothersome quality of myself. I really hope that i can accomplish this. I used to be so confident and able. but any more I just feel...incredibly average.

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1 comment:

Anonymous said...

wow... you're in my head or something.

I feel like that all the time. I've never really given my all at anything except gymnastics when I was 8, but I soon quit that to be with my "friends" who all fucked me over in high school.

I like to think I give my all at parenting but I know I don't.

Good luck to you on giving your all on whatever you decide to do.