Dec 16, 2007

I'm not gonna be jaded anymore.

I realized the past few days that I used to go out of my way for people. Go that extra mile to help them. But over time i kind of stopped doing that. I think i realized this while trying to help Caroline find a Wii for her Dad for Christmas. She been so appreciative and knowing that I was trying to help her made me feel really good and made me feel a little more confident in myself. Then i started thinking, when and why did i ever stop being that way. I think I became jaded to being nice and helpful because of all the people that walked all over me, all the people that took advantage of me. Actually, its the fact that i LET them do that. So instead of NOT letting people walk all over me, i just stopped being that part of me. But not anymore, I don't have time for people that will take advantage of me, I think i've learned enough to catch it before i get hurt. Just because i was weak and let people hurt me, it doesnt mean i should change who i am, i just need to pay attention and be more selective.

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2 comments:

katy said...

i remember that part of you.
its one of the reasons we were such good friends... you helped me through one of the hardest times of my life. you were always there for me.

im glad that you're remembering who you are Andy.

now its time for you to come home.

katy said...

"What is a friend? I will tell you. It is a person with whom you dare to be yourself. Your soul can be naked with him. He seems to ask of you to put on nothing, only to be what you are. He does not want you to be better or worse. When you are with him, you feel as a prisoner feels who has been declared innocent. You do not have to be on your guard. You can say what you think, so long as it is genuinely you. He understands those contradictions in your nature that lead others to misjudge you. With him you breathe freely. You can avow your little vanities and envies and hates and vicious sparks, your meannesses and absurdities and, in opening them up to him, they are lost, dissolved on the white ocean of his loyality. He understands. You do not have to be careful. You can abuse him, neglect him, tolerate him. Best of all, you can keep still with him. It makes no matter. He likes you. He is like fire that purges to the bone. He understands. You can weep with him, sin with him, laugh with him, pray with him. Through it all - and underneath - he sees, knows and loves you.

A friend? What is a friend?
Just one, I repeat, with whom you dare to be yourself."
~ C. Raymond Beran ~